Fire!

Today we had a funny experience at our house. While I was in my room this morning DA let out a piercing bloody cry that scared me half to death. I wouldn’t be surprised if I find gray hairs in a few months masquerading as blonds. I ran to the living room to find out what happened and if he was hurt. He was screaming, “Fire, fire, mom, fire!” over and over again. As I ran, I was trying to figure out how he’d gotten a hold of matches because I keep them well out of reach even for me! And I was trying to remember if we still had a fire extinguisher in the closet or if I was going to have to smother it with something. When I made it to him, he grabbed me around the legs almost tackling me and pointed at the couch. “Fire mom, fire! It went down the couch!” Tears were streaming down his face and he was hiccupping he was so afraid as he pointed in the crack between the cushions. I didn’t see or smell anything so I asked him where the fire was and he calmed down enough to say clearly, “No, spider mom, not fire.” He had a big old ugly spider that sat next him and tried to introduce itself. Needless to say, my heart rate slowed significantly. Spiders I can deal with. Or at least I thought so, but just then the spider came out to say hello again. It was huge! In fact huge doesn’t describe it. It was gynormous! Like bigger than a silver dollar with the fattest butt I’ve ever seen on a spider that wasn’t carrying an egg sac around with it. I sent DA for toilet paper and kept an eye on it. I just have to interject here that I hate squishing spiders, I prefer to trap them and let Jake squish them when he gets home, but I didn’t think I had a chance trapping this guy. The spider crawled up the back cushion and over the edge so he was hiding between the couch and the wall by the time DA got back with my squishing material of choice for the day. I pulled out the end table, then whipped the couch out screwing up my courage for the squishathon. The spider had paused mid step startled I suppose by the movement of his climbing surface. I took a deep breath and tackled the nasty. Just as I was going in for the kill, he reared up his front legs and I swear he hissed at me, but I put the kibash on his nasty aggressive temper and sent him to the trash thoroughly smushed. Squishing bugs with your hands regardless of whether there’s an intervening layer or not is never a fun experience. I can still feel the bum on that thing going “pop!” between my fingers, Ugh! I hope DA wasn’t traumatized. He seemed to be quite calm when he found out it was good and dead. Wish I had thought to get a picture, cause this thing was literally huge, but sadly my son's peace of mind came before the funniness of the situation.